By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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