I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
