1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
