New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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