I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
