Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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