The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
