im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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