i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
