Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
