My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
