literally had 100 drinks last night.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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