Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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