yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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