fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
