why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
