I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
