I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
