I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
