I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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