It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I intend to get homeless drunk
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
