is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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