Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
