Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
