Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize