Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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