I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
