I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
