Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
