p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
