Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
