redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
