By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
