You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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