i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
