I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
