Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
