Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
