I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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