Christians are straight up FREAKS
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
