Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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