Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
