my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
