Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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