Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
