I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
