we have pet lesbian snakes
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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