Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
