I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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