you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
