What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
