I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I will be naked everywhere
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
