I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
don't judge my taste in strippers
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
