I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
