yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Randomize
