Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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