Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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