Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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