some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
