Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
is that a dick in a sweater?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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