This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
