I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize