: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
