I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
