She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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