never play flip cup with pint glasses
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize