i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
