okay pat passed out under dana's car
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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