Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
