why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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