you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
