Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
