Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
