he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
