Don't make out with my wife yet
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just had sex bonerless
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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