be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
