Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
