Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My breasts were aching with rage.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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