please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
