I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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