I love black thongs
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
