No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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