Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
