Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I am one with the molecules
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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