i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize