I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
