U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
