Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
