Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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