is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
