ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
