I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
