who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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