Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
