never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
