Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
