This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize