Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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