he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you would pick up someone in the library
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
