I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
