You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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