brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
