Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
