it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
