covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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